Welcome to the Family, Or Not
by Takebuo Ishimatsu
Summary: Flash and Batman come upon their charges' secret relationship in a very bad way. Batman is not happy. Written for a prompt in yj anon meme. WallyxDick.


**Title: **Welcome to the Family...Or Not  
**Author: **Takebuo Ishimatsu  
**Pairing(s): **Kid Flash/Robin  
**Summary: **Flash and Batman come upon their charges' secret relationship in a very bad way. Batman is not happy. Written for a prompt in yj_anon_meme. WallyxDick.**  
**  
**Warning: **Mentions of underage touching.

**Disclaimer: **Ido not own Young Justice.

**The Prompt:**

_**So Batman and Flash somehow find out their protégés are secretly dating or whatever.**_

I would like to see reactions or Batman being all like "I always knew something funny was going on." because they don't call him the world's greatest detective for nothing. 

"I mean, I know Robin's not the most _mature_ of the group, but maybe that's what we need. Clearly Superboy's not responding well to our attempts-"

Flash paused as Batman put a silent finger to his lips. Tilting his head slightly in mock Superman pose, Barry could just barely make out the sound of stifled laughter. Smiling, he shook his head.

"Sounds like some naughty _partners_ of ours are up waaaay past their bedtime."

"Clearly they were under the misguided impression that Red Tornado and Black Canary's absence meant they could forgo the rules," Batman replied darkly.

The barest of upturns to the corner of his mouth, guaranteed to be invisible to anyone that hadn't known the sourpuss for a minimum of three years, alerted Barry to the fact that he wasn't actually angry.

"We'd better go check on them, huh? Make sure the clock's working in the room and everything," Flash said with a wink. Batman simply nodded in reply.

Creeping down the hall, an act that Barry was more than willing to admit Batman was much better at, they made their way to the boys' shared bedroom. Batman made quick work of the lock on the door and was soon reaching to open it with a speed that had even Barry impressed. Flash tensed, half-expecting there to be some sort of alarm, as silly as that sounded. He got an odd feeling of devious pleasure as the Dark Knight easily cracked the door without alerting the room's occupants.

He readied himself to push open the small slit and jump through, feeling more and more like the black-clad, shadow-lurking Gotham nightmare by the second, when his brain caught up to what exactly they were whispering about.

"You have to do it! You lost!"

"Yeah right, Rob. We both know you cheated."

"I did not! You just don't want to admit that my mad gaming skillz are better than your 'Fastest Kid Alive' shtick."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm still not kissing _that_."

"Come on! Just on the tip!"

"No way, man. Bats would cover me in gasoline, light me on fire, put me out, and then do it all over again. It's bad enough that we already, you know...touched and stuff."

"He won't find out."

"He always finds out. Everything. And I don't even wanna know what Uncle B would say if he knew what I was doing with a minor."

"You're a minor too, dufus."

"Yeah, but you're like _thirteen_."

By this time Flash had his eyes scrunched closed, as if that would save him from the horrible, horrible thoughts he was suddenly getting. No way could they be talking about _that_. Just no way. It had to be something else. Like those online stories you read that sounded really wrong until you realized they were talking about drinking milk or something else completely mundane.

Yeah, that was it.

"I'll show you thirteen."

There was the sound of a struggle and before Flash could even contemplate whether or not it was too late to pretend nothing had happened, Batman was pushing him aside and stalking through the door. Figuring there wasn't much else to do by that point, Barry followed behind with a sense of dread in his stomach.

Oh God. They weren't talking about milk.

In a matter of milliseconds, Wally managed to grab the blanket off the bed and wind it around himself and Robin. Which was probably a nice gesture for the Bat, but, unfortunately, just gave his speedy eyes more trauma to process.

The two terrified, _nude_ boys stared at their mentors with wide eyes, huddling together in their newly-formed blanket cocoon. Barry was vaguely amused to realize that Robin _still_ had his domino mask on. Really, he and Bats took the whole "secret identity thing" way too seriously sometimes.

"Robin," Batman growled out and the boy seemed to shrink into the redhead even more.

"I can explain-"

"You will. Clothes first. We're leaving. Now."

Barry knew it was a bad, bad sign when one of the world's most intelligent men couldn't even form complete sentences.

"But-" the small brunette stopped dead at the dark look.

Flushing, Robin stood up from his safety zone, covering himself awkwardly with both hands. Batman turned to give Flash a Look, and he whipped around the instant he caught the Dark Knight's meaning. It wasn't as if he'd never seen below a male's belt, and little Robin's, uh, goodies would be the last thing to get his blood pumping, but he felt it probably wasn't the best time to test the other League member.

Flash was alerted to the other being done by Batman gently, but determinedly, pushing him out of the way. The pitiful sight of the downcast bird, looking more tiny than he ever had before, being led out while half-underneath Batman's cape almost made Barry want to call them back and try to fix things. As before, it just wasn't the time to test the man that made Gotham mob bosses pee their pants.

Glancing back towards his nephew, he wasn't surprised to see Wally with his face buried in his hands.

They didn't speak for a long moment, Barry trying to decide if he should be angry or understanding. He should at least say something about Wally sexually experimenting with someone two years his junior, but, really, who was he to judge? If an entire team of superheroes thought the boy was old enough to fight supervillians and potentially get killed in the process, how could he claim he was too young for other things? Robin certainly hadn't been coerced into anything.

Sighing, Barry plopped down next to his nephew. Wally pulled the blanket tighter around himself and brought his knees up to his chest, as if trying to ward off whatever he was about to say.

"So kid, as I see it, you have three options. Give up on Robin and beg Batman's forgiveness, which isn't advisable if you really think you might care about him more than just 'friends with benefits'. Fight for Robin and beg Batman's forgiveness, which isn't advisable if you don't want to suffer through undying Bat-hate from your future father-in-law for the rest of your life. Or kill yourself now and leave a suicide note begging Batman's forgiveness, which just isn't advisable."

Wally's lips quirked slightly, filling Barry with a sense of accomplishment.

"Is there an Option Four?"

The Flash shrugged, "Hey, I never said they were great options."

Wally stared down at the floor for a silent moment before turning to give his uncle a determined look.

"Well, it sounds like Bats is gonna hate me no matter what I do, so I suppose I might as well get something out of it."

Barry nodded, "That's the spirit. Now then, how the heck are we going to pull this off?"

"I thought you had a plan!" Wally whined.

BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! EGGS AND BACY!

There was dead silence in the Batmobile, unbroken by even the sounds of the police radio scanner. He'd decided not to turn it on for probably the first time in years. For once, nothing else seemed quite as important as getting Dick home, where Alfred could watch over him and keep him safe from unwanted..._affection_.

"It's not like you didn't know. You know everything," Robin whispered, his voice just barely audible.

Bruce glanced at the boy out of the corner of his eye, though the other seemed determined not to catch his gaze for even the briefest of moments.

"I guessed that something more was forming between you both. I had no idea you'd already progressed to the physical level," Bruce answered finally, after several unsuccessful attempts to draw Dick into saying more by not saying anything.

"So, what? I'm not allowed to be with him just because the 'World's Greatest Detective' got it wrong?" Robin sniped at him. Batman could see his angry reflection in the window.

Bruce frowned, "I only allowed his attentions _because_ I believed them to be fairly innocent. I don't think I need to explain my problem with the truth?"

Dick crossed his arms and stared out the window, not answering. Just as well; his entire atmosphere was answer enough. He thought Bruce was treating him like a child.

Bruce wondered, not for the first time, if it'd not have been better to just send him to therapy and hope for the best. The boy had a definitely skewed version of what was acceptable for a boy his age and what just _wasn't_. Batman admitted that it was partly his fault, mostly Zucco's.

"We don't just do that kind of stuff," Dick said randomly, and a quick glance confirmed Bruce's suspicions as to the color of his face at the statement.

"We've gone on dates before. I took him to the amusement park last week, remember?"

Bruce frowned, "_You_ took _him_?"

Dick finally graced him with his gaze, a confused scrunch to his brow. "Well, yeah. I'm Bruce Wayne's ward. _I_ have money."

"He should get a job," Bruce countered.

Dick sighed exasperatedly, "He's only fifteen. And spazzy. Who would hire him?"

"I would."

Dick's usual smile almost made an appearance at that, before he got himself back under control.

Hmm, apparently he was hanging onto his "upset with you" card for as long as possible. A good strategy, though it was more likely to be effective against Alfred rather than him. If Bruce had to choose between keeping Dick happy and keeping his own last shred of hope that his ward's virginity was still intact...There was just no contest.

"You just want an excuse to abuse him," Dick muttered.

"Cleaning toilets isn't abuse if you're getting paid for it."

"You wouldn't let him use his speed."

"No, I wouldn't."

They shared a knowing smirk before his little bird seemed to remember that he was angry at him.

Crossing his arms again and gazing out the window, Robin restarted. "Like I said, we don't just do _stuff_. And we've known each other for years; it's not like we just met and jumped into bed."

"Who's bed?" Bruce demanded, careful not to swerve.

Batman doesn't run over little old ladies on the sidewalk. Not even when he has a minor heart attack while speeding down the road at 60 MPH.

Robin flushed under his scrutiny, "I mean, it's not like-" he seemed to turn even brighter, "We haven't stuck anything _inside_. Just, you know."

He made a jerking motion, before stopping abruptly, apparently deciding that was even worse than saying the words.

"It's just an expression," Dick whispered, shrinking in on himself. The boy's embarrassment was practically a tangible thing, shifting throughout the car and making them both uncomfortable.

They continued in awkward silence until they reached the manor, at which time Dick murmured, "I just wish you'd give him a chance. Let him start over."

They sat in complete silence after that, only the bats breaking through the barrier. Eventually, they were down there so long, Alfred came down to do his usual cleaning while he believed they were out.

Startled by the sight of the Batmobile, the butler came over cautiously.

"Sirs? Do you require assistance?"

Without words, they both got out of the vehicle at the same time. Bruce watched as Dick trudged past Alfred, looking more and more like a kicked puppy by the second. Just as he reached the stairs, Batman sighed.

"Ask him if he wants a job," he called over.

He already regretted the words as soon as they'd left him, though the boy's bright smile did make up for it a little. He supposed he could use the situation to his advantage somehow. As the saying went: Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer. Keep your children under lock and key. And viciously traumatize their potential courters.

...Or something like that.

BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! EGGS AND BACY!

"Ok, there he is," Kid Flash whispered, whipping back around the corner before the demon could see him.

"All right kid, this is your chance. You remember what we talked about?" Flash whispered in response.

"Yeah. Fall to my knees and beg his forgiveness. If there's any sign of trouble, scream like a little girl and run away," KF answered. He got the feeling there should be something in that plan that he objected to, but they were talking about _Batman_.

And Dick. It was all for Dick. Whom he _didn't_ have a faux, puppy-love for, thank you very much, Aqualad. He would totally get down on bended knee and ask the other to marry him if that's what it took to prove to the others that his love was true.

Nevermind that it was illegal in most countries to marry anyone under sixteen. And the same sex. And he'd just spent all of his allowance on LittleBigPlanet 2 and couldn't even afford a CrackerJack ring for at least another two months.

...But that was besides the point.

Taking a deep breath, Wally nodded towards his mentor.

"I've got your back, kid," Barry whispered.

Wally slowly made his way out from his hiding place, almost losing his nerve when he realized Batman was staring at his exact spot already. Forcing himself to keep going, he seemed to move at a snail's pace, the feel of the Bat's dark look burning over his skin, even though he was standing before the man in a depressingly little amount of time.

"Um," Wally swallowed painfully, "I would like to apologize, sir. I know I shouldn't have given in to Robin's request-" KF could just _tell_ that Batman was raising an eyebrow behind his cowl and he quickly backtracked, "I mean, I should never have touched him, no matter what. And I know you don't forgive easily, but," Wally actually did get down on his knees, raising his hands to the other in mock prayer, "please, _please_, let me have another chance. I swear I won't do anything like that again until he's much, much older."

Batman scowled and Wally amended, "I mean never. I won't ever touch him again. In fact, I will remain celibate for the rest of my pitiful existence."

There was a moment of silence, in which Kid Flash was desperately trying not to look away from the other's glare while at the same time appearing meek and mailable, just as Bats liked his "enemies." (Which Wally was fairly certain he was in the category of by that time.)

Finally, after an eternity, in which Wally's knees were definitely starting to get sore, Batman asked calmly, "Has he told you his secret identity?"

Wally's eyes widened, an internal debate starting over which Bat it'd be in his best interest to keep happy.

"I can't tell you that, sir," KF answered after coming to his silent conclusion.

Which was answer enough, but still keeping his promise to Robin that he wouldn't let Batman squeeze the info out of him.

Batman nodded and Wally swore he looked almost pleased with his answer, though it was probably a trick of the light.

Batman glanced past him and Wally knew he was contemplating Flash's presence just around the corner. Whether or not his mentor had some sort of effect on the outcome was something he was destined to never know, since Batman said suddenly, "I may have a way for you to achieve my...approval."

Wally could almost feel the burning dislike for the word, though he for once kept his mouth shut and let Batman continue.

"It will require work," Batman finished, giving him an assessing look, one which told Wally he didn't think he was up to it.

Accepting the challenge, the boy nodded, "When do we start?"

"Now. Get off of the floor before Superman sees you and starts crying over the 'abuse of sidekicks.'"

Wally chose not to comment on the "sidekick" remark, though the mental image of Superman's disapproving pout, reserved only for Batman, did make him smile. He quickly wiped it off his face when Batman gave him a Look.

"Follow me," he growled, purposefully leading KF past where Flash was doing a terrible job of pretending to be reading a magazine in a random hallway.

Still, he was sort of glad for the brief eye-contact that he made with his uncle. At least if he went missing someone would know who he was with last.

Even if they'd never be able to prove it.

BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! BREAKY BREAKY BREAKY! EGGS AND BACY!

"Rob! I smell so bad!" Wally cried as he entered the Boy Wonder's newly-assigned private room.

Looking up from his laptop, Robin scrunched up his nose, "Yeah, you really do, KF. What the heck have you been doing?"

"Cleaning the toilets in some rundown hotel in the middle of nowhere! With this!" he yelled pitifully, holding up a pink toothbrush with sparkly fairies on it.

Dick's mouth dropped open, "Seriously?"

Bruce had actually made him do that? That was horrible!

And kinda awesome, in a devious, evil-master-plan kinda way. It was whelming.

...He spent way too much time with the goddamn Batman.

"Can't you smell me?" Wally shrilled.

"Totally," he answered, covering his nose and mouth with a hand, "Not to be rude, but could you maybe go take a shower and come back later?"

Wally gave him a dark look. "You're suppose to be kind and supporting!"

"I am being kind and supporting! You just stink!"

"I know!"

Wally wilted, a pitiful pout coming to his face that just about broke Robin's heart.

Sighing, he added, "Sorry, KF. It's just..." He made a waving motion in front of his nose, which served more as a sign than an effective way of keeping his breathing path clear. Really, he _stank_.

"I know," Wally murmured, still looking like a kicked puppy, "I was doing all great and was about to finish early when my mop-bucket got caught on a door threshold and tipped over on me. There were _things_ in that bucket, Rob."

The speedster's eyes took on a horrified glint, causing Dick to wince in sympathy. Still...

"Why didn't you just zip out of the way?" he asked.

"Bats said I wasn't allowed to use my speed for anything outside of a random terrorist attack. Said he'd know if I did, and I could just kiss the thought of ever seeing you again, outside of a mission, goodbye."

Lowering his voice to a whisper, Wally continued, "I actually flashed out of the way automatically before realizing what I did and flashing back over. Do you think he saw me?"

Green eyes shifted about the room, as if he was expecting Batman to jump out of the shadows any moment. Knowing Bruce, Dick couldn't necessarily say he was just being paranoid.

"Um..."

Robin was saved from having to tell his worried buddy that Batman saw _everything_ by a knock on his door.

"Hey, Robin, could I talk to you for a moment?" Flash said, peeking into the room. His face scrunched up at the horrid smell, "Did something die in here?"

"Just my pride," Kid Flash muttered, sliding past his mentor as he trudged out of the room.

Flash blinked before turning back to look at Dick, "Was it something I said?"

He shrugged, "Bad day at the office."

Flash nodded, "Right, his new job. That's actually what I came to talk to you about. Kind of."

Dick shut his laptop and scooted over, making room for the other on his bed. Technically, he could have sat in his desk chair, but he knew from previous experience that the Flashes were put into Batman's hated "touchy-feely" category for a reason.

Smiling in thanks, the Flash sat down next to him. He paused a moment, seemingly deciding what to say.

"Ok, kid. I guess the best way to do this is to just be blunt. You're used to that from Big Bat, huh?" he asked in a rhetorical tone, though Dick nodded as if it'd been a real question.

"As you've probably noticed, my poor nephew is undergoing some strenuous tasks in order to gain Batman's...well, at least to make him not vengefully hate him anymore. And I can kind of understand where he's coming from, with you being the youngest of the group and, hopefully, less knowledgeable when it comes to _those_ sort of things. However," he paused to give Dick a stern look. Or, at least, as stern as Flash could get in comparison to Batman's regular scowls.

"It takes two to tango, and I don't think he's the only one that should take the blame," he continued. Dick looked down at his hands in apology, "Now, I'm not going to do anything crazy like Bats, but I do want you to know that I'm watching you just as much as he's watching KF. Well, without all the ninja stalking and stuff."

Dick's lips twitched and the other man gently bumped him with his shoulder, a move duplicated by his nephew numerous times before.

"And, despite the pedestal of angelic innocence that Batman has put you on, I think we both know who calls the shots in this relationship," he gave Dick a knowing look, one which he couldn't say was completely unfounded.

He got up after that, stretching though he'd only been there for a few minutes. He gave Dick one last nod before he was gone.

Lying down with a sigh, he was startled by the sudden re-appearance of the man.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to say," a warm smile formed on his face, "Welcome to the family."

A wink and he was gone again. Dick smiled to the empty room in return.

**AN: **Well, how was it? Let me know if there's any mistakes to the fandom or whatever!


End file.
